Tough Choices

This time of the year there are so many tough choices to make.  But I stumbled onto one that I wasn’t prepared to make.  I mean, c’mon, how many fantasy leagues to join, what tweaks should make in the JAIL league, which players will be sleepers, which will be overvalued duds etc…?

Those decisions have to be made and I am prepared to deal with them.  But again, there was one that completely blind-sided me yesterday.

Enough of a build up?  Okay, okay.

In an attempt to keep my finger on the pulse (ouch! burned my finger) of the sports and entertainment world I find myself watching a lot of television.  Hey, I don’t do it because I waaaant to, but because of the pulse thing.  In doing so, I’ve stumbled onto a…ummm…war?  Yeah, a war!  An infomercial war!

And like any war, we have to pick a side.  So, let’s meet the combatants:

In this corner we have the black-bearded pirate, Billy Mays, who is selling a little chopper product.

You know Billy, he sells a lot of different products from laundry soap to cell phone clips for your car and a bunch of scratch removers.  He must like Dr. Suess, because he likes to rhyme his sentences.  But when Billy is selling, people listen.

On the other side of the battlefield is the new kid.  You know him as the Sham Wow dude who likes to use tricky editing to make cola messes go away.  But his name is Vince and he likes his headsets light and tight!  He is also selling a little chopping machine.

Now, normally they sell different products so we don’t have to make such tough choices (see I worked the title of the blog into this fine post, cool eh?), but not this time.

Nope.  I’m not sure who started this infomercial showdown, but it could get ugly.

What a quandary!  If I go with the slick upstart Vince (Btw, I wonder if that’s his whole name, you know like the big stars Madonna, Sting, Archive, The Rock. Heh, one of those doesn’t belong – yep The Rock, that’s 2 words). I very well could be limiting myself, after all Big Bad Billy sells a lot of really cool products and Vinny (my pet name) only peddles 2 or so.

Maybe Billy started this tussle, wanting to throw his weight around — literally.  If so, that’s not cool.  On the other hand, Vin-o-roni (another pet name) likes to use that “we can’t do this all day, so you better call in next 20 minutes” garbage.

Maybe the quality of the product should be the prevailing source of information to determine the winner? LOLOLOLOL  I said quality when refering to a product bought on T.V. I make joke.  Me funny.

Here’s a picture I came across while looking for one of the chopper these guys are selling.  Pretty cool, huh?  It’s the old Batman on an old motorcycle.

Alright, here’s what the chopper looks like, though this one is being sold in England and is cheaper and probably made with much better materials.

Isn’t it cool?  It allows you to chop up enough vegetables to feed a small hamster.  I mean, I know when I’m hungry I find myself many times wishing I had 1 tiny piece of celery chopped up and thrown on top of my food.

Acutally, this picture makes it look kinda big.  But if you’ve seen Billy-Boy or Vinster selling theirs, you probably noticed the minuscule piece of tuna that is smushed up and thought,”Are they feeding birds?!”

Vince does go for some added value to his chopper, he says — and why shouldn’t I take his word as gospel? — that if we use his chopper it will make our putrid, boring lives much more exciting!

I know when I want some spice to my day, I go to the kitchen and pull out some small cooking appliances and have a party!  Nobody, needs to remind me of that bastion of ballyhoo that resides in my kitchen, tucked away in the sleepless cupboards. But, hey, I’m a cutting edge kinda guy, just ask my square-dancing instructer.

And you came here for baseball info!  Sorry, sometimes I get in these moods and I kinda go with’m.  I will be back later with a more traditional fantasy baseball type post, I promise!

Btw, tonight (Friday 27th) I’m doing a special Pre-Draft podcast at BlogTalkRadio.com.  Just click on the link over on the right side of the page —-> and you’ll go right there.  Should be fun, please join me and talk some baseball!

I’m done.

-Johnny Archive