Results tagged ‘ Humor ’

Falling Off The Wagon

Well, I couldn’t control myself.  I have been resisting the temptation of diving head first into mock draft madness. You know, when you start entering 10 mock drafts a day thinking it’ll make your real fantasy team stronger.  By the way, “real fantasy team” is an interesting little concept, isn’t it?

Anyway, I had to do something to satisfy the itch.  I mean, I wasn’t even aware what I was doing until I noticed I was staring at a login screen for a new CBSSports.com fantasy league.  Yep, the “stinkin’ thinkin’” was already creeping in because I was telling myself I would only do a few “serious” rounds to test the waters of player sentiment heading into 2010.

209878-American-Medical-Association-logo.jpgBut what the heck was I doing?!  It was the day before the Super Bowl, for crikee’s sake.  Where was my willpower when I needed it?  I decided it was a crisis and needed to call my sponsor.  The only problem is, I have no sponsor.  Nope.  Apparently, the A.M.A. still doesn’t recognize the Fantasy Flu or “H1ROUND1″ as a legitimate ailment.  And thus, there is no official 12-step program to turn to when one finds him or herself — oh yes, this disease does indeed cross gender and racial lines, thank you — afflicted.

So, what can I say, it happened.  I gave in.  I’m weak.  And I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed it and I’ll do it again!  Yes, I drafted a fantasy baseball team and I’ve been thinking about baseball ever since.  Call it a binge if you’d like, but if God didn’t want baseball fans to play fantasy baseball he wouldn’t have created stats!  Anyway, I need to research the new theory, and while I do, check out the complete draft results.

It was (only) a 10-team league 5X5-style with weekly transactions.  My team is the Bipolar Bears and I decided to go with an extreme hitter-based team by not taking an arm until way late, Round #16.

Draft Results
Round 1
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Pujols, Albert 1B STL
2 Appleton Wildcats Ramirez, Hanley SS FLA 12 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Lincecum, Tim SP SF 1 min 31 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Rodriguez, Alex 3B NYY 1 min 30 sec
5 cards in 2010 Mauer, Joe C MIN 60 sec
6 RickRollers Braun, Ryan J. LF MIL 12 sec
7 Mauer4MVP* Utley, Chase 2B PHI 1 min 30 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Halladay, Roy SP PHI 1 min 30 sec
9 Starting Early* Fielder, Prince 1B MIL 1 min 30 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Longoria, Evan 3B TB 1 min 16 sec
Round 2
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Teixeira, Mark 1B NYY 1 min 9 sec
2 Starting Early* Cabrera, Miguel 1B DET 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Howard, Ryan 1B PHI 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Sabathia, CC SP NYY 43 sec
5 RickRollers Kemp, Matt CF LA 5 sec
6 cards in 2010 Kinsler, Ian 2B TEX 5 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Greinke, Zack SP KC 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Hernandez, Felix SP SEA 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Verlander, Justin SP DET 24 sec
10 Block the Plate* Haren, Dan SP ARI 0 sec
Round 3
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Reynolds, Mark 3B ARI 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Tulowitzki, Troy SS COL 31 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Ellsbury, Jacoby CF BOS 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Crawford, Carl LF TB 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Wright, David 3B NYM 46 sec
6 RickRollers Pedroia, Dustin 2B BOS 25 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Jeter, Derek SS NYY 5 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Reyes, Jose B. SS NYM 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Holliday, Matt LF STL 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Rollins, Jimmy SS PHI 1 min 15 sec
Round 4
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Sizemore, Grady CF CLE 27 sec
2 Starting Early* Carpenter, Chris SP STL 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Santana, Johan SP NYM 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Morneau, Justin 1B MIN 3 sec
5 RickRollers Martinez, Victor C BOS 34 sec
6 cards in 2010 Youkilis, Kevin 1B BOS 38 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Hill, Aaron 2B TOR 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Bay, Jason LF NYM 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Upton, Justin RF ARI 27 sec
10 Block the Plate* Broxton, Jonathan RP LA 0 sec
Round 5
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Papelbon, Jonathan RP BOS 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Lester, Jon SP BOS 60 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Wainwright, Adam SP STL 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Nathan, Joe RP MIN 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Cano, Robinson 2B NYY 14 sec
6 RickRollers Votto, Joey 1B CIN 34 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Rivera, Mariano RP NYY 7 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Lee, Cliff SP SEA 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Beltran, Carlos CF NYM 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Gonzalez, Adrian 1B SD 52 sec
Round 6
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Upton, B.J. CF TB 1 min 3 sec
2 Starting Early* Ramirez, Manny LF LA 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Zimmerman, Ryan 3B WAS 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Ethier, Andre RF LA 5 sec
5 RickRollers Sandoval, Pablo 3B SF 5 sec
6 cards in 2010 Morales, Kendry 1B ANA 58 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Lind, Adam LF TOR 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Beckett, Josh SP BOS 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Johnson, Josh SP FLA 1 min 1 sec
10 Block the Plate* Vazquez, Javier SP NYY 0 sec
Round 7
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Roberts, Brian 2B BAL 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Cain, Matt SP SF 14 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Suzuki, Ichiro RF SEA 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Markakis, Nick RF BAL 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Granderson, Curtis CF NYY 17 sec
6 RickRollers Hanson, Tommy SP ATL 11 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Peavy, Jake SP CHW 3 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Rodriguez, Francisco J. RP NYM 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Street, Huston RP COL 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears McCann, Brian C ATL 1 min 4 sec
Round 8
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Phillips, Brandon 2B CIN 25 sec
2 Starting Early* Choo, Shin-Soo RF CLE 1 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Fuentes, Brian RP ANA 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Hamilton, Josh CF TEX 28 sec
5 RickRollers Gallardo, Yovani SP MIL 11 sec
6 cards in 2010 Hamels, Cole SP PHI 23 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Bell, Heath RP SD 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Figgins, Chone 3B SEA 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Wilson, Brian RP SF 41 sec
10 Block the Plate* Berkman, Lance 1B HOU 0 sec
Round 9
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Abreu, Bobby RF ANA 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Zobrist, Ben 2B TB 37 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Bartlett, Jason SS TB 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Werth, Jayson RF PHI 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Bailey, Andrew RP OAK 1 min 28 sec
6 RickRollers Hoffman, Trevor RP MIL 6 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Dunn, Adam LF WAS 3 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Victorino, Shane CF PHI 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Lee, Carlos N. LF HOU 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Quentin, Carlos LF CHW 37 sec
Round 10
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears McCutchen, Andrew OF PIT 2 sec
2 Starting Early* Jimenez, Ubaldo SP COL 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Franklin, Ryan RP STL 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Young, Michael 3B TEX 9 sec
5 RickRollers Escobar, Yunel SS ATL 3 sec
6 cards in 2010 Lee, Derrek 1B CHC 24 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Aardsma, David RP SEA 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Cordero, Francisco RP CIN 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Ramirez, Aramis 3B CHC 56 sec
10 Block the Plate* Soria, Joakim RP KC 0 sec
Round 11
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Weaver, Jered SP ANA 1 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Kershaw, Clayton SP LA 34 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Rodriguez, Wandy SP HOU 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Cruz, Nelson R. RF TEX 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Webb, Brandon SP ARI 21 sec
6 RickRollers Pence, Hunter RF HOU 5 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Hunter, Torii CF ANA 11 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Soriano, Alfonso LF CHC 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Ibanez, Raul LF PHI 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Uggla, Dan 2B FLA 1 min 2 sec
Round 12
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Bourn, Michael CF HOU 41 sec
2 Starting Early* Jenks, Bobby RP CHW 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Damon, Johnny LF NYY 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Ortiz, David DH BOS 2 sec
5 RickRollers Valverde, Jose RP DET 10 sec
6 cards in 2010 Jones, Adam CF BAL 11 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Pena, Carlos 1B TB 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Soriano, Rafael RP TB 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Butler, Billy 1B KC 22 sec
10 Block the Plate* Lackey, John SP BOS 0 sec
Round 13
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Billingsley, Chad SP LA 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Cuddyer, Michael RF MIN 1 min 17 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Marmol, Carlos RP CHC 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Lidge, Brad RP PHI 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Nolasco, Ricky SP FLA 5 sec
6 RickRollers Jurrjens, Jair SP ATL 7 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Kubel, Jason LF MIN 7 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* McLouth, Nate CF ATL 0 sec
9 Starting Early* Oswalt, Roy SP HOU 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Ramirez, Alexei SS CHW 1 min 21 sec
Round 14
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Wieters, Matt C BAL 13 sec
2 Starting Early* Dempster, Ryan SP CHC 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Rios, Alex RF CHW 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Burnett, A.J. SP NYY 2 sec
5 RickRollers Garza, Matt SP TB 7 sec
6 cards in 2010 Wagner, Billy RP ATL 33 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Hawpe, Brad RF COL 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Wells, Vernon CF TOR 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Beckham, Gordon 3B CHW 17 sec
10 Block the Plate* Shields, James SP TB 0 sec
Round 15
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Loney, James 1B LA 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Bruce, Jay RF CIN 44 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Qualls, Chad RP ARI 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Jones, Chipper 3B ATL 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Ludwick, Ryan RF STL 27 sec
6 RickRollers Gonzalez, Carlos OF COL 26 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Posada, Jorge C NYY 1 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH* Guerrero, Vladimir DH TEX 1 sec
9 Starting Early* Lopez, Jose 2B SEA 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Borbon, Julio CF TEX 1 min 13 sec
Round 16
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Kazmir, Scott SP ANA 14 sec
2 Starting Early* Wood, Kerry RP CLE 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH* Hudson, Tim SP ATL 0 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Tejada, Miguel SS BAL 5 sec
5 RickRollers Kendrick, Howie 2B ANA 51 sec
6 cards in 2010 Pierre, Juan LF CHW 5 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Stewart, Ian 3B COL 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Hart, Corey C. RF MIL 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Martin, Russell C LA 38 sec
10 Block the Plate* Coghlan, Chris LF FLA 0 sec
Round 17
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Jones, Garrett 1B PIT 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats* Dye, Jermaine RF CHW 1 min 31 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Beltre, Adrian 3B BOS 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Lilly, Ted SP CHC 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Anderson, Brett SP OAK 6 sec
6 RickRollers Gonzalez, Mike RP BAL 5 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Konerko, Paul 1B CHW 5 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Pierzynski, A.J. C CHW 32 sec
9 Starting Early* Polanco, Placido 2B PHI 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Nunez, Leo RP FLA 42 sec
Round 18
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Johnson, Jim R. RP BAL 2 sec
2 Starting Early* Capps, Matt RP WAS 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Cantu, Jorge 1B FLA 15 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Buehrle, Mark SP CHW 2 sec
5 RickRollers Span, Denard RF MIN 51 sec
6 cards in 2010 Sheets, Ben SP OAK 4 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Lowe, Derek SP ATL 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Ordonez, Magglio RF DET 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats* Swisher, Nick CF NYY 0 sec
10 Block the Plate* Rowand, Aaron CF SF 0 sec
Round 19
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Young, Delmon LF MIN 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats* Huff, Aubrey 1B SF 0 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* LaRoche, Adam 1B ARI 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Baker, Scott SP MIN 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Suzuki, Kurt C OAK 3 sec
6 RickRollers Zambrano, Carlos SP CHC 19 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Matsuzaka, Daisuke SP BOS 16 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH DeRosa, Mark 3B SF 5 sec
9 Starting Early* Teahen, Mark 3B CHW 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears De La Rosa, Jorge SP COL 1 min 14 sec
Round 20
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Scherzer, Max SP DET 11 sec
2 Starting Early* Bedard, Erik SP SEA 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Wolf, Randy SP MIL 8 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Napoli, Mike C ANA 1 sec
5 RickRollers Helton, Todd 1B COL 10 sec
6 cards in 2010 Drew, Stephen SS ARI 6 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Happ, J.A. SP PHI 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Matsui, Kazuo 2B HOU 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Soto, Geovany C CHC 9 sec
10 Block the Plate* Andrus, Elvis SS TEX 0 sec
Round 21
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Theriot, Ryan SS CHC 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Harden, Rich SP TEX 27 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Aybar, Erick SS ANA 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Cabrera, Orlando SS CIN 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Morgan, Nyjer LF WAS 37 sec
6 RickRollers Hudson, Orlando 2B MIN 12 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Pettitte, Andy SP NYY 2 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Danks, John SP CHW 20 sec
9 Starting Early* Peralta, Jhonny 3B CLE 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Frasor, Jason RP TOR 46 sec
Round 22
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Price, David SP TB 47 sec
2 Starting Early* Molina, Bengie C SF 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Doumit, Ryan C PIT 13 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Molina, Yadier C STL 5 sec
5 RickRollers Montero, Miguel C ARI 25 sec
6 cards in 2010 Francisco, Frank RP TEX 5 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Rodriguez, Ivan C WAS 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Olivo, Miguel C COL 1 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Dotel, Octavio RP PIT 19 sec
10 Block the Plate* Baker, John C FLA 1 sec
Round 23
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Shoppach, Kelly C TB 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Floyd, Gavin SP CHW 45 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Iannetta, Chris C COL 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Navarro, Dioner C TB 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Reimold, Nolan OF BAL 12 sec
6 RickRollers Matsui, Hideki DH ANA 1 min 28 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Sherrill, George RP LA 1 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Drew, J.D. RF BOS 5 sec
9 Starting Early* Hernandez, Ramon C CIN 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Wells, Randy SP CHC 47 sec
Round 24
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Strasburg, Stephen SP WAS 3 sec
2 Starting Early* Thome, Jim DH MIN 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Wheeler, Dan RP TB 10 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Sanchez, Freddy 2B SF 14 sec
5 RickRollers Cabrera, Asdrubal SS CLE 4 sec
6 cards in 2010 Rasmus, Colby CF STL 10 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Byrd, Marlon CF CHC 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Cameron, Mike CF BOS 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Davis, Rajai CF OAK 20 sec
10 Block the Plate* Blake, Casey 3B LA 0 sec
Round 25
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* DeJesus, David LF KC 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Ross, Cody CF FLA 30 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Atkins, Garrett 3B BAL 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Taveras, Willy CF CIN 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Slowey, Kevin SP MIN 13 sec
6 RickRollers Jackson, Edwin SP ARI 12 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Anderson, Garret LF ATL 24 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Putz, J.J. RP CHW 4 sec
9 Starting Early* Gomez, Carlos CF MIL 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Holland, Derek SP TEX 1 min 10 sec
Round 26
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Gonzalez, Gio SP OAK 10 sec
2 Starting Early* Guillen, Carlos LF DET 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Kennedy, Adam 2B WAS 7 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Delgado, Carlos 1B NYM 2 sec
5 RickRollers Bailey, Homer SP CIN 6 sec
6 cards in 2010 Rivera, Juan L. LF ANA 24 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Kuroda, Hiroki SP LA 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Young, Chris B. CF ARI 1 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Gutierrez, Franklin RF SEA 14 sec
10 Block the Plate* Francoeur, Jeff RF NYM 0 sec
Round 27
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Harang, Aaron SP CIN 0 sec
2 Appleton Wildcats Santana, Ervin SP ANA 36 sec
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Castillo, Luis 2B NYM 0 sec
4 Seattle Mariners* Lopez, Felipe 2B MIL 0 sec
5 cards in 2010 Feliz, Neftali RP TEX 4 sec
6 RickRollers Furcal, Rafael SS LA 47 sec
7 Mauer4MVP Chamberlain, Joba SP NYY 3 sec
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Weeks, Rickie 2B MIL 4 sec
9 Starting Early* Getz, Chris 2B KC 0 sec
10 Bipolar Bears Hardy, J.J. SS MIN 26 sec
Round 28
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Bipolar Bears Burrell, Pat DH TB 11 sec
2 Starting Early* Byrnes, Eric LF SEA 0 sec
3 M.I.WADSWORTH Encarnacion, Edwin 3B TOR 13 sec
4 Mauer4MVP Lowell, Mike 3B BOS 2 sec
5 RickRollers Snider, Travis OF TOR 22 sec
6 cards in 2010 Liriano, Francisco SP MIN 3 sec
7 Seattle Mariners* Blanton, Joe SP PHI 0 sec
8 Deep Valley Grouchos* Bradley, Milton OF SEA 0 sec
9 Appleton Wildcats Cabrera, Everth SS SD 33 sec
10 Block the Plate* Sheffield, Gary LF NYM 0 sec
Round 29
Pick Team Player Elapsed Time
1 Block the Plate* Renteria, Edgar SS SF 0 sec(2 sec)
2 Appleton Wildcats Johnson, Kelly 2B ARI 17 sec(15 min 36 sec)
3 Deep Valley Grouchos* Hughes, Phil SP NYY 0 sec(1 min 33 sec)
4 Seattle Mariners* Guillen, Jose RF KC 0 sec(1 min 30 sec)
5 cards in 2010 Escobar, Alcides SS MIL 13 sec(10 min 15 sec)
6 RickRollers* Ruiz, Carlos C PHI 1 min 31 sec(10 min 44 sec)
7 Mauer4MVP Cabrera, Melky CF ATL 3 sec(5 min 4 sec)
8 M.I.WADSWORTH Wigginton, Ty 3B BAL 4 sec(3 min 51 sec)
9 Starting Early* Willingham, Josh LF WAS 0 sec(1 min 31 sec)
10 Bipolar Bears Lindstrom, Matt RP HOU 5 sec(19 min 28 sec)

 

 

Jack Coen: Louder and Cleaner

I had some audio problems this past Sunday with the Jack Coen clip that I played during the show.  So, I thought I’d put the clip up here so you can enjoy it.  I saw Jack several years ago in Irvine, CA.  Enjoy!

Jokes.com
Jack Coen – Raising Kids
comedians.comedycentral.com
http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:cms:item:comedycentral.com:190950
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

 

Craig “The Lovemaster” Shoemaker Cometh

It’s a done deal!  Craig “The Lovemaster” Shoemaker will be appearing on The Johnny Archive Fantasy Baseball Show, which is part of The Fantasy Sports Channel at BlogTalkRadio, Sunday May 31, 2009!  Not only is “Shoe” one of the funniest comedians currently touring in America, but he’s a huge sports fan.

Craig Shoemaker Smiling.jpgIf you happen to miss the live show you can always catch the archived edition at iTunes.com or at the Johnny Archive page at BlogTalkRadio.com.

Craig Showmaker Bio/Resume

 

Named Comedian of the Year by the American Comedy Awards on ABC, Craig Shoemaker’s half-hour Comedy Central special has been voted by viewers as one of the network’s “Top 20″ stand-up specials of all time.

Craig’s feature film credits include the box office hit Scream 2, co-starring opposite Patrick Stewart in Safe House and his featured role opposite Daryl Hannah as her love interest in 2007′s Dark Honeymoon. Last year, Craig won Best Supporting Actor at the Elevate Film Festival. His own film The Lovemaster (with Farrah Fawcett), won “Best Film” honors at the Los Angeles Independent Film Festival.

Craig began his career in his hometown of Philadelphia, where he honed his comedy and characters winning the “Best of Philly” Award while working as a bartender and attending Temple University. As a voiceover artist, Craig’s dead-on impression of Don Knotts was featured in the film Pleasantville (which he also played the narrator) and has voiced many hit animated series including Teamo Supremo, Monsters, and I M Weasel.

Shoemaker montreal_first_pitch_main.jpgCraig’s small screen credits include his one-hour special on Comedy Central titled, The Lovemaster… Unzipped, co-hosting duties on HBO’s Comic Relief 2006, roles on numerous prime time series and he was actually Joy Behar’s first guest in her Comedy Corner on ABC’s The View.

As a scribe, Craig most recently wrote, produced and starred in Totally Baked, a movie which was conceived from his own son asking if his dad had ever smoked marijuana. The film was distributed world-wide by Universal and can be found in all major retail outlets, including WalMart. Totally Baked was asked to be a featured film in the Austin Film Festival, was nominated for the 2008 High Times “Stony Award,” and is ranked in the top ten on Hulu.com. Craig’s writing credits also include ABC’s Just The Ten of Us, and Real Funny. He also wrote and starred in the critically acclaimed one-man show, Who’s Your Daddy? at the Coronet Theater.

Craig Shoemaker on computer.jpgInspired by his children, Craig has also published two hit children’s books, now in their third printing, entitled “What You Have Now…What Your Daddy Had Then” and “What You Have Now… What Your Mommy Had Then.”

Additionally, Craig has had his own nationally syndicated radio show, which after only ten months on the air, won the prestigious Communicator Award “Crystal” prize. Two of Craig’s stand-up comedy routines made it to the Top 10 list on XM Radio, with “Playing Army” ranking #1. His “Lovemaster” routine was voted Most Popular Comedy on XM Radio’s Big Schtick Awards.

In 2004, Craig opened a comedy compound and retail outlet inspired by his nonprofit organization LaughterHeals.org. The Laughter Store (http://www.thelaughterstore.com/) is a place to find all things funny – pranks & gags, CDs, books, DVDs – anything to make you laugh!

shoemaker don_knotts_main.jpgCraig’s new stand-up DVD and CD, The Lovemaster… Unzipped was released by Universal worldwide in early 2008. The CD was featured on the front page of iTunes and was in the Billboard Top 20 for six straight weeks.  

Inspired by laughter, Craig has created a new forum ‘Laughter Heals‘ where he combines his two decades of stand up into an uplifting seminar and humanistic forum to help those battling and suffering from cancer and other life threatening diseases use the gift of laughter for self -healing universal wellness.

Currently, Craig is producing and writing a feature documentary called Live to Laugh along with Mark Harris (Crash, Gods & Monsters) and Dr. Michael Beckwith (The Secret, Oprah).

 

So, as you might imagine, Johnny Archive is thrilled and honored to have this established celebrity on the show.  If you can, do yourself a favor and check out one of ”Shoe’s” live shows.

June 3 – 7   2009

Irvine , CA 
The Irvine Improv
Advanced Tickets Call: 949.854.5455

————————————————————–

June 18 – 21 2009

Sacramento , CA 
Sacromento Punchline
Advanced Tickets Call: (916) 925-5500

————————————————————–

June 25 – 28 2009

Denver, CO
Denver Improv
Tickets call (303) 307-1777 

 

See you all on the show!  And remember, you’ll be able to call in or ask “Shoe” a question via the chatroom.

Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Johnnyarchivelogo.png
Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for FSC banner.gif-Johnny Archive 

Good News, Bad News 04/01/09

Happy April Fool’s Day!


Grand_Slam_300x250-1.gifGood News
– My podcast has a new home, The Fantasy Sports Channel at BlogTalkRadio.com!  It’s nice to be wanted!
Bad News – Now I feel even more pressure to produce a good show each and every week.

Good News – With a new network comes a new show time, 5pm ET on Sundays, and that means I’ll be able to do some live remote shows from ballparks this year!
Bad News – That probably means I have to travel outside the Johnny Archive Lair on a semi-regular basis, scary, very scary.

Good NewsGary Sheffield is on the verge of joining the exclusive 500 HR Club, as he enters 2009 with 499 bombs.
Bad News – “Shef” was released from the Detroit Tigers a week before the start of the season.

Good News – The Milwaukee Brewers signed future hall-of-famer Trevor Hoffman to solidify their bullpen this year, which has had a ton of issues in the past few years.
Bad News – Hoffman will start the season on the DL, jeez, here we go again Brew Crew fans!


Grand_Slam_277x180-1.gifGood News
- With Matt Holliday moving on the Oakland A’s, Seth Smith had high hopes for mucho-many ABs in ’09.
Bad News – The Colorado Rockies have decided to keep young speedster and potential 5-tool stud, Dexter Fowler, on the roster, uh-oh Seth.

Good NewsJoba Chamberlain won’t spend any time in JAIL following a drunk driving conviction in a Nebraska courtroom today.
Bad News – His defense that he had to drink beer to keep the bugs away didn’t seem to work very well.

Good News – I am in the playoffs with my fantasy basketball team even after I lost 2 of my top 4 picks, Amare Stoudamire and Michael Redd, to injury.
Bad News - Compared to baseball, I have virtually no interest in the outcome of my fantasy hoops team.

Good News – There is alot of good competition for sandwich making companies in America, just look at all the T.V. ads.
Bad News – One company that routinely has the worst ad compaigns is Quiznos, like when they had some dead rat looking thing featured a couple of years ago.  Now, they are doing some wierd deal where the oven talks to an employee in a sensual voice filled with spooky romantic/sexual innuendos.  A bit disturbing, if you ask me.


progressive girl.jpgGood News
– Speaking of companies who must be raking in the cash, seems by all the ads, insurance companies — not named AIG — must be doing very well.
Bad newsGeico actually uses talking money as their latest spokesperson, but am I the only one getting really annoyed with this cheesy waitress chick doing those Progressive commercials?

Good News - Most of the country really seems happy about Barrack Obama as their President even as the economy remains unsettled.
Bad News – Some people are really unhappy these days and they are organizing some strange activites later this month.  They’re bringing back the tea party.  I’m okay with it as I don’t really like tea that much, but if it was a coke party I’d be there and probably all night!!!.

Have a good day all you fools out there!

 

-Johnny Archive 

One-On-One With Keith Olbermann

In this special edition of the blog I will go in depth with fellow MLBlogs writer Keith Olbermann — who recently began his blog.  As some of you may know, Olbermann has participated in fantasy baseball for years dating back to when it was not as socially acceptable as it is now.  I know, fantasy sports are still not exactly considered “cool,” but it wasn’t that long ago that it was known exclusively as a “dork” or “nerd” activity.

keitho.jpgThe name of Keith’s blog?  The Baseball Nerd.  See, I told you.  He’s not at all ashamed of his fantasy baseball heritage.  In fact, he’s proud of it, as he should be.

And yes, this is the guy who used to work as the sportscaster in So. Cal., worked at ESPN and now does some show at MSNBC that has to with counting or something.  But I encourage everyone to treat him as just another baseball fan when reading his blog and especially if you are going to post a comment to him.

Keith respects the game and its history, so let’s show respect to him.  It’s true, that may be easier for those of us that geniunely enjoy the programming at MSNBC, but again we are all here because we love baseball.

 
mel - conchords.jpgOK, with that out of the way, let’s get into my exclusive, one-on-one interview with Keith on fantasy sports.  I guess I should explain exactly what I mean by “exclusive, one-on-one interview.”  Basically, I posted a question to his blog on Wed. (3/25/09) and he was nice enough to answer it yesterday (03/26/09) in his post.

flight of conchords.jpgNow, he didn’t address me by name when responding, but instead quoted Billy Crystal in saying “and you know who you are.”  So, in a stalking, twisted manner, I have taken his reply as an exceptional compliment and endorsement of me as a fantasy writer and human being.  If you are a fan of the Flight of the Conchords, then you can picture me as that obsessed female fan, Mel, who follows Bret and Jemaine around.

But hey, I was the only one who asked him about fantasy baseball, so he had to be talking to me when he discussed fantasy, right?!  Glad you agree… 

suzy kolber.jpgAlright, here we go.  Picture me and Keith Olbermann sitting opposite each other at a large table that is covered with statistical papers and books.  Keith looks a little nervous, because after all he is staring down the world-famous Johnny Archive (your hero!) and he has no idea about the grilling he is about to endure.  Sure, he’s been seen by millions and has an extensive resume of T.V. projects – including launching the ESPN 2 network, while sporting a cool leather jacket, with Suzy Kolber.

I waste no time and fire my first question.

JA – I’m curious, with your schedule these days, how many fantasy baseball leagues do you participate in?

Still a bit unsettled, he responds.

KO – I actually retired from Fantasy Ball in 1995 for fear of having to draft a line-up of UPS Drivers. Got talked back into it in 2007 by my friend Jason Bateman, then played football in his league that year. The rust having been shaken off, I won them both last year (NL-only, six-by-six format, no freezes, Jason likes to count Holds for goodness sakes). This year I’m co-owning an AL-only team in a league with some of the ESPN experts. I take this way too seriously (the league that went out of business in 1994 had 40-man rosters and we actually held a two-round amateur draft two weeks ahead of the actual MLB draft).

I have to admit, I was expecting some name-dropping, but who would have guessed that Jason Bateman would be the celeb’ thrown back at me and was such a big fantasy fan!?

Anyway, I came right back at him with the second question!

JA – I know you’ve been in leagues for years, I’d love to know your thoughts on the fantasy sports industry overall?

He just stared at me.  At this point, I began to wilt under the pressure!  For the love of God, this is Keith bleepin’ Olbermann I’m talking to here!!!  He has a very scary stare, man.  Just ask Bill Maher, the host of Real Time on HBO.  When Olbermann was on his show last week, Maher had him sit on the side of him so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with him.

KO – I take this way too seriously (the league that went out of business in 1994 had 40-man rosters and we actually held a two-round amateur draft two weeks ahead of the actual MLB draft).

Then he went right back to staring, maybe even glaring at me!

So, after a few seconds of ”the stare” as I will now call it, I quickly moved on to my third and final question.   I know, three questions is a bit lame for an “in-depth, grilling,” but I was totally sceered of him.  Hey, he’s a big guy!  I mean, I was busy with other things and couldn’t spend all day with this interview, ya’ know.

JA – Maybe you could share some of your fantasy sleepers for ’09?!  I asked, sheepishly and yet defiantly!

It was at this point that I could see a twinkle in Olbermann’s eye.  Yep, he was starting to gain a level of respect for the ol’ Archiver!  It was as if he realized in the fantasy world I was somehow his equal.  He knew I had talent and he appreciated that.  Though he seemed to take a peek at my belly as he spoke.

KO – I’m better now but I still can’t imagine giving away my sleepers, at least until after the draft Sunday. I will say this, if it’s of any use: I saw Albert Pujols in Clearwater ten days ago and he looked 100% healthy for the first time in years. And no hint of a paunch. And I know my paunches.

And with that, I got up and ran from the room like a little school girl who just heard the bell for recess.  I didn’t appreciate the paunch reference, but hey, I wasn’t going to say anything to him about it!  I did a write down the inside information on this Albert Pujols dude.  Seems it could come in useful at some point.

So, there ya go.  A total make-believe interview for your reading enjoyment.  In all seriousness, I do want to thank Keith for answering my questions about fantasy on his blog.  Just having high-profile “cool” people semi-endorse fantasy sports helps the general public to regard it in a more respectable manner.

-Johnny Archive

Naughty Or Nice?

o/ Chestnuts roasting on an open fire…. o/

 

xmas tree.jpgForgive me, I’m all caught up in the season.  It’s that time of the year, again.  Yep, every family has their own unique style and traditions they replay this time of year.  But the fact remains, we all celebrate one way or another.

Will we get what we want, what we asked Saint Selig for?  A winning record? A playoff spot? A division title?  A drug-free sport?  Perhaps even the whole salami, the World Series Crown!? *crosses fingers*

Unfortunately, some of us didn’t do right and we’ll have to answer for it.  Maybe it was not returning that cart to the “holding bin”, instead just squeezing it inbetween the two cars next to us.  It could’ve been we didn’t do such a good job acting like we didn’t see our neighbor walking to their to car the same time we were headed out in the morning?  There’s no way that “anonymous” negative post we put on that community or company website somehow became public, is there?!  Oh gawd, say it isn’t so!

Anyway, whatever it was, some us are destined to to be disgruntled.

I’m guessing some of you are asking yourselves,”uhmmm, Johnny, what in the name of chunky egg nog are you talking about?”  OK, OK, OK.  It’s the night before the first official spring training baseball games of the new year are played.  It’s an exciting, yet nervous, time.

drunk_santa.jpgAll kinds of questions are rushing through our brains.  Do we have enough mashed potatoes?  Will our 2nd Catcher stay healthy?  Is that brother-in-law going to bring all that beer again this year?  Is the young pitching staff going to improve enough to keep us in games?  Does Rudolph’s nose get hot when it lights up?  How is it possible for a product with such a tasty sounding name be so disgusting?  Yes, I speak of the brick-like fruit cake granny makes every year!  When did she join the Free Masons anyway?

 
fruit_cake_sized.jpgWell, we may not have all the answers, but part of the giddy-ness is the unknown.  We have so many hopes.  We let our dreams run wild without any regard to reality.  Even if deep within our hearts our beloved Pirates have almost no shot at NOT breaking the consecutive losing seasons streak. Sweet 17 here we come!

But the scoreboard and the standings don’t lie.  We are in contention!  Even if it is only spring training, and even if we lose our first game by 12 runs, we’re still only 1 game back!  And if we win?!  Oh Nellie!  If we win, we might be able to build up some confidence and take the Spring Training title!  Don’t remind me that no human being alive can actually remember who won the most games last year in spring training.  Party-pooper!

It’s just a fun time, and sure the real holiday season is probably more popular and recognized for a celebration of goodwill.  But ya know, at least we don’t all get in debt — unless you consider buying the MLB.TV package, splurging on baseball preview magazines and opening our wallets for fantasy league entry fees as “expenses?”  I prefer the term “investment.”

bobby grinch.jpgDon’t forget to watch out for the Grinch…Bobby, that is.  Hitters with big swings who miss alot can be a real downer for baseball managers.

Well, I got to go, I still have to decorate the bat rack – we are experimenting with a plastic one this year.  Merry First Games of Spring Training to You!   And hey, look, there’s none of that confusing religious terminology to trip on.  After all, Baseball is for everyone!

Good day!

-Johnny “Salvation Army” Archive

Good News, Bad News 08/06/08

Hot off the press, it’s Good News, Bad News day!  Enjoy…

 

Wait, before we do, I have started a new blog so I can dive into football a little more.  Considering most people who come here, probably do for baseball, I figured a new place just for football would be best.  Sooo, Johnny, what’s the new addy?!  I’m so glad you asked, here it is…

http://johnnyarchive.blogspot.com/

Don’t worry, I’ll still be writing my blog here, but I am a man of many talents so I will be writing both blogs while the NFL/MLB seasons overlap.  Remember, you can always go to johnnyarchive.com to see what’s going with Johnny Archive.  Imagine that!

And don’t forget I’m also going to be doing a fantasy football podcast every Friday Night over at BlogTalkRadio.com this football season, just look for FridayNightFootball.  Is this an exciting time of the year for sports fans, or what!!??

Okay, away we go…


ron washington.jpgGood News
– Rangers manager, Ron Washington, decided to clamp down on his players in an effort to keep them focused.
Bad News – Chosing your young soon-to-be ex-closer, CJ Wilson, to be your first target when the kid is hurt and toast emotionally seems like kicking him while he’s down to me.  So, he flipped the baseball to you, big frickin’ deal.

Good News – The Texas Rangers are only a handful of games out in the chase for the AL Wildcard.
Bad News - The Rangers have absolutely NO SHOT at winning the Wildcard, so Ranger fans don’t get your hopes up.  I’m so convinced they aren’t a playoff team that if they do make the playoffs I’ll walk to Dallas, from Austin to pay for my error.  I’m serious.


paris hilton.jpgGood News
Paris Hilton has come out with a video response to John McCain’s ad against Obama in which Paris is pictured.
Bad News – For the love of all things holy do we really need/want Paris-freakin’-Hilton involved in the politics and future leadership of our country!?!

Good News - The Brett Favre saga is finally winding down as it appears he will be dealt to a team outside the division, probably Tampa Bay.
Bad News – Brett Favre, the latest addition of Joe Montana as a KC Chief, Michael Jordan as a Washington Wizard, Tony Dorsett as a Denver Bronco or OJ Simpson as a San Francisco 49er — whatever happened to OJ anyway? :P

Good News – I have my first fantasy football draft tonight and I’m actually starting to get excited about the upcoming football season.

Michael Jordan wizard.jpgBad News
– My first free league of the season is used mainly as a glorified mock draft and normally the owners are exactly the most hard-core.  Example: One owner in the league forgot to give his team a name. doh!

Good News – I’m still hanging in there in my fantasy baseball leagues (1st in Ron Cey 411 Listener League – 17 points / 1st in JAIL League – 19 points / 3rd CBS 12 team free league — 5 points out of 1st).
Bad News – I’m starting to get a little nervous because if I end up winning both of my main leagues it will mean that I essentially went wire-to-wire.  Not easy to do.

Good News – I feel like something really good is on the horizon for Johnny Archive!
Bad News – I don’t know what it is exactly, so I’m sceered I might miss it. I good enough, I’m smart enough and dog-gone it, people like me!

Good News – It’s a marathon baseball day today! Woot! Starting at 11:35AM there will be live baseball on my computer all the way until about 11:00PM or so tonight.  I love my MLB.TV!
Bad News - These marathon days are not exactly the most productive days for me.  Can you say, wife-aggro?

Good News – I made another blockbuster trade in the Ron Cey league last night.  I got Sabathia, Chipper, Pudge and Heilman in return for Mauer, Thames, Lirinao, Young(SD SP) and S.Torres.

roncey2.jpgBad News
– I know I gave up alot, but my goal was to land the most stable, dominant SP I could (CC) because I am still on pace to go over the innings limit by about 75 innings.  I also think I’m getting Chipper very cheap, almost as a throw-in and hopefully he can help me with AVG, at least, when he comes back at the end of this week.  I wouldn’t make this deal in May, but with 7 weeks to go, I think it makes sense.

Good NewsAdam Dunn, who I acquired in a deal a few weeks ago, has been a solid source of power even though the Reds haven’t played particularly well.
Bad News - I gave up Ryan Ludwick, essentially, for Dunn as part of the 3-3 deal thinking he would cool off in the final couple months of the season.  Luddy, has not cooled down, in fact he is as hot now as he’s been all season.  For the most part, though, both sides have benefited from this trade, although Ludwick has probably hit for a better average.

 

Okay, that’s a wrap.  Wish me luck in my football draft tonight!  I’ll discuss the results here and over at the other blog site tomorrow.

One last thing, sit down and remember where you heard it first – the 2008 World Series teams – Florida Marlins vs. Tampa Bay Rays!  The Fish will shock the universe as they become World Champs.  Yep, the Florida Marlins will win it all in a classic Sunshine State matchup.

 

-Johnny Archive   

Good News, Bad News 07/30-31/08

Well, I said I’d be back later with Good News, Bad News and the key word is later as it is now early Thursday morning.

So, let’s not delay any longer…

 

Good News – Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter pitched well in his return from major surgery, giving up only 1 ER.
Bad News – He was on a very strict pitch count so he only went 4 innings and thus didn’t qualify for the Win.

Good News – I have the resolution to the two biggest sports stories of the day!

Brett Favre podium.jpgBad News
– The Green Bay Packers trade Brett Favre to the Boston Red Sox for Manny Ramirez!  Hey, ya never know, it could happen.

Good NewsAdam Dunn, OF Reds, contiunes to absolutely rake, hitting two more bombs Wednesday night.
Bad News – Even with 32 homers this season, he is overshadowed by many other players.  His handlers haven’t done a very good job of promoting this legit power hitter.

Good NewsBrandon Phillips stole his 22nd base Wednesday night, continuing his run at a second 30-30 season.
Bad News – He might well be the most underrated fantasy stud in the game, as a 2B with speed and power batting cleanup for the Reds.

Good News – The Yankees actually made a deal that made sense, when they acquired Pudge Rodriguez, and wasn’t purely a salary dump form their trade partner.

kyle farnsworth.jpgBad News
– The NY Fans and media will have to find a new player to kick around now that Kyle Farnsworth is a former-Yankee.

Good News – I get to go have a surgical procedure done on a tooth that has been causing me a ton of pain the last 2 weeks.
Bad News – The pain was created by the doctor referring me to this new surgeon. grrrr

Good News – I was right when I knew I recognized the sound of a team in trouble a few weeks ago.
Bad News – The sound was Astros skipper saying,”We need to start getting Darin Erstad more ABs”.

Good News – The new JAIL Fantasy Football League is just about full, only 2 more owners needed.
Bad News – After having such a great year in the JAIL Fantasy Baseball League — leading for the past 10 weeks — I have a feeling the football owners are going to take great pleasure in pounding my nose into the “frozen tundra.”


sweating man.jpgGood News
– The Dog Days of Summer are almost upon us all.
Bad News – For those of us in Texas, who built the Kennel, let me officially welcome you to the stifling heat!

Good News – Speaking of August 1st, it means that school starts this month!!!
Bad News – It also means the beginning of the holiday gift bombardment from Wal-Mart and the Home Shopping Channels — not that I watch them. =P

Good News – For those thousands (maybe millions, I forget =P) of fans who have enjoyed my baseball podcast at BlogTalkRadio.com I will be doing a football podcast — details soon.
Bad News – Though I actually started playing fantasy sports by doing football, I have put so much energy into baseball the past few years, I am really going to have to do my homework to provide good, solid football insight.

Okay, there ya go.  A day late, but never a dollar short!

-Johnny Archive 

Tuesday Sunshine 7/29/08

Hello there,

Let’s see what Tony Bartlett has on his mind this fine Tuesday morning.  Get your lists ready!

This weekend’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony made me think about greatness. Since I’m job-hunting – endless interviews, some of which I want to end halfway through because I know I’m wasting my time and that of the interviewer – I’ve had to focus upon things that I’m good at and some that I’m not, but any Hall of Fame-related debate takes the thought process to a whole new level.

 

I’m not talking about the Pete Rose/Joe Jackson/Steroid Era type of debates, either: it’s more of what defines greatness.

 

For a couple years I have been searching for a particular episode of Frasier on DVD. The episode, entitled Three Valentines, features probably the funniest six minutes I’ve ever seen on TV. Eventually, in a “light bulb moment,” I tapped the appropriate words into a search engine and found the episode on YouTube.

 

Frasier invariably made me laugh, just as Cheers always would. Both are among my favorite TV shows, and they are to me great shows. Is one greater than the other? Well, I don’t think it matters, because they’re both great. Not were – are.

 

It doesn’t matter to me whether a player reaches the Hall of Fame with 96% of the vote or 76% of the vote: if he’s in, he’s in, and the votes of 20-odd members of the BBWAA should not determine whether a player is considered greater than any other. If a player gets in on his first ballot that’s noteworthy, for sure, but beyond that do we need to know any more?

 

I make lists. I’ve always made lists. Name any topic you like and I’ve probably not got a list for it; no, my lists are far less helpful. I don’t obsess over these lists, but every now and then I’ll update them, or go through my notebook and find something I scribbled down one wet Tuesday afternoon and then lose three hours as I add new entries to some of them.

 

My lists aren’t numbered. The lunacy of making a list of greatest/favorite books – it’s lunacy because these lists serve no purpose – would only heightened by wasting hours, days, trying to decide whether I like If This Is A Man/The Truce more than The Secret History, whether A Prayer For Owen Meany makes me smile more than Republican Party Reptile. These are near-impossible, pointless decisions: why rank them when they all belong in the same class, which is enough?

 

(I am resisting the oh-so-strong temptation to rail once more against Power Rankings, a journalistic plague that continues to torment me.)

 

One of my favorite writers, Joe Posnanski maintains a terrific blog. It’s easy to find if you’re so inclined, and well worth the effort. He posted an article recently about greatness, detailing the number of great seasons players had produced, and as usual it was a thought-provoking piece.

 

I posted a message asking whether these great seasons should be considered against the length of a players’ career. Is a player who produced ten great seasons in a 15-year career “greater” than a player who also had ten great seasons but in a 20-year career? There was something in my question about Sandy Koufax and Pete Rose – one who retired too early, the other staying on too long. I don’t know the answer to the question I posed…and maybe there isn’t one.

-Tony Bartlett

Have a great rest of your day!

Tuesday Sunshine 7/08/08

Hello everyone!

 

It’s Tuesday and that means it’s time to turn the blog over to Tony in Hitchin.  Enjoy his latest installment…

 

 

I read an entertaining article on the Sports Illustrated website recently about the recruiting of high school football players. The article referenced Bootlegger’s Boy, Barry Switzer’s autobiography, which I read many years ago. It was a well-written article full of anecdotes and historical references, succinctly detailing how the NCAA has compelled colleges to alter their recruiting techniques over the years as well as how technological advances have forced the NCAA to frequently update its rules.

 

For a Brit the world of recruiting is a strange one. We have nothing like it here in the UK, at least not to any significant degree, since college sports is not a big deal outside of the Boat Race and the Varsity Match (rugby union) both of which are competed for annually by Cambridge and Oxford. There are numerous competitions between colleges and universities but for the most part interest in them is only local. A Brit makes his or her way to the professional ranks by altogether different means.

 

But it wasn’t so much the article itself that came as a surprise; what surprised me was that there was an interesting article on the Sports Illustrated site. Occasionally I’ll enjoy a few lines from Peter King’s Monday Morning QB column – read that sentence carefully and you’ll see it’s not quite as flattering as it might at first appear – but each week there seem to be fewer reasons to click on any story or link that appears on the site.

 

When I was young – okay, younger – the latest issue of SI was a treasure rarely found. One newsagent in my hometown would get one copy monthly, and not every month, so before I had the good sense to order it I would go in, hunt around for it and invariably exit disappointed. I’m sure the shop’s owner and the other customers thought that I was sneaking a look at the girlie mags and, although I was past that stage, thinking back now it would have been a more understandable explanation for my behavior.

 

But when I did manage to get hold of the latest copy I’d pour over every word, every story, learning about the new and exciting worlds of major league baseball, the NFL and the NHL, SI being my only passport to these worlds. (And yes, I enjoyed the swimsuit issue as much as the next guy.) SI was a name that meant something special to me: I learnt more about sports from reading SI than via any other medium, and the quality of the writing meant that I’d willingly read about sports in which I had little interest – the NBA, athletics, horse racing.

 

Nowadays things are different. It’s a smaller, faster-moving world than it was back then, one that seems increasingly structured for those of us with the time only for instant gratification. To many the idea of sitting down and reading a magazine, of letting the world pass by and taking in the work of a skilled writer talking about a subject in which we’re interested is…well…I guess “quaint” is the word. The need to provide fresh content every five minutes has diluted the product, almost irreparably, and I wish the powers-that-be at SI hadn’t succumbed to the perceived demands of the modern reader. Shorter, headline-driven articles seem to be norm as so many people demand their news in more easily digestible bite-size chunks.

 

There are two things that upset me about the SI site. The first is the amount of baseless speculation in which many of its writers seem to indulge; so-and-so could win such-and-such if this and that happens, and will struggle if the other happens. So many of these articles read as “if it rains, the grass will get wet, but if it doesn’t rain the grass should stay dry”: in depth stuff.

 

But worse than that – oh, so much worse – is the site’s increased insistence on subjecting us to its latest Power Rankings. Power Rankings are the worst idea anyone anywhere has ever had in the history of the world, and the height of journalistic laziness, and the very opposite of what SI once stood for. And I don’t care if other sites have their own Power Rankings: just because they do it doesn’t mean that SI has to compete.

 

The most bizarre aspect of all this is that it’s SI itself that’s proving my point. The step that they took recently to reprint articles from years past is a fabulous one. These articles take me back to my youth and beyond, filling in the many gaps in my knowledge, correcting the memory lapses that the aging process has allowed to develop, revealing anecdotes about stars of the past of whom I know less than I did before reading the articles.

 

Read the headlines on the SI site if you must, but scroll down to the Vault section and you’ll take a glorious and rewarding trip down memory lane.

 

-Tony in Hitchin

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